Talk Shite

Scott listened to our CEO on the wireless earlier this week. He wasn't impressed.

For a plausibly bright bloke, Newcastle CEO David Hopkinson sets himself up to look awfully stupid quite often in interviews. Bookmark his hyperbole and we will have a right laugh come January 2031.

The unofficial ‘State of the Union ‘address to such football royalty as Gabriel Agbonlahor and Jim ‘Transfer Window’ White, who was later joined by Steve Bruce, (for the first time since he left, apparently) had to be a joke didn't it?

I mean, for starters check the cardigan out. Last seen worn by “The Dude’ in ‘The Big Lebowski’. More important than knitwear were the usual ill-timed claims that we will be

“Consistently contending for the top prizes in global football by 2030”.

Big Hoppy energy there. Massive Hoppy energy, in fact. You have to hand it to the lad. That's some statement. Sponsored by Bet MGM.

I'm guessing in the minds of the higher echelons of Newcastle United this is giving the people what they want. An update on the ground: Talk of capacity being extended somewhere between 1 and 1 million seats. Check. A talk up of the Sporting Director: Up at 6 am every day and still can’t do any better than fail to negotiate the exit of Matt Targett from a Championship team. Check.

And don't worry, one of our better players who hasn't played well since November is as happy as Larry at St James so that covers that as well.

Let the peasants sleep easier tonight. But if you wouldn't mind changing the settings on your account so you can opt in to Bet MGM spam. Even better, set up a betting account and you can kick into the net at half time. Go on, please.

I mean we all know it’s just management speak but I firmly believe there is quite a lot of our fanbase actually takes this in. Speaking of management talk (also North East based journalists who are not Lee Ryder, speak) I'm going to use the terms ‘reading the Room’ and ‘optics’ here.

The interview I'm guessing had been pencilled in for quite a while. Those idiots from the most odious radio station on the airwaves like Agbonlahor, who once said Newcastle were not a big club and players would prefer to join Brentford, and his mate wouldn't be seen dead here otherwise.

This probably was meant to be Eddie Howe talking, but we got through to the semi-final and he's far too busy and intelligent for that shite. He should have partook, really, if for no other reason than to thank Bruce for getting him the job here.

But instead, Talk Sport got to reel in the big fish. To White’s delight. I can imagine he felt the same as Emily Maitlis when she got the Andrew gig.

The fact this interview took place hours before we were swatted aside by Manchester City’s second side and that the chasm in class seems to indicate the sort of regression beyond our worst nightmares, was, for the outside world, more fuel to the fire of complete ignorance, but we all expected that one and so did they.

The fact is that this interview took place as the sun had barely set on the most unambitious winter transfer window since the last one and the steam had only settled down on the red hot email to fans, from nowhere, that season ticket holders will have £5 more taken out of their bank accounts today, meaning that most will now be paying £65 to watch us playing the Azeri champions. No disrespect but I would want the Azeri version of the Harlem Globe Trotters for that price.

The small print of the Champions League cup scheme (which started taking money out around our pre-season humping at a Celtic side, who are currently having their worst season in a generation) was obviously missed by all of us, or everyone really would be pretty pissed off at that.

Wouldn't they?

I remember a quote from (Shudder) diamond Mike Ashley, that match going fans’ revenue doesn't matter anymore. Well, from where I stand, the optics (there I go again, sorry) are that despite us being very high on the list of PIFs priorities, it's us lot putting up the capital again.

I saw one quote yesterday from a fellow fan arguing that if we wanted to beat PSR and be at the top table we have to do our bit. Seriously, is this what people think?

The endless Magpie Member shit, the endless Adidas gear, and whether you pay £65 for a ticket for a Champions League play-off decides whether we move forward as a football club? Honestly?

Lets get the ‘Go Fund Me’ page up and running for the new “Best in class” (what’s that even mean? It's not Crufts, son) training ground.

You can invite mouthpieces from the top end of Newcastle United on any radio station or any fans podcast forum to talk shite (don’t be like the people who got a round of drinks bought by Ashley in the Bigg Market) but people don't buy it. Actions speak louder than words.

This is on course to be the most underwhelming season since the takeover and in fact we are currently in the sort of position that Bruce himself would have celebrated about long into the Ponteland night.

If someone had said to me in August that we would be below Brentford, Everton and, ever so crucially, Sunderland in the table in early February and then our CEO would come out and do more sugarcoating than Tate and Lyle, you would think the pitchforks would be out, yeah?

It appears not. This my friends is what I'm talking about. Newcastle fans have slipped into inertia again. The worst case scenario after the takeover years, people are, well, just a bit, meh.

The season can be rescued, it wouldn’t take a massive upping of the accelerator to equal last season’s finish (which should get CL again) and that Qarabag draw is as kind as your local lollypop person. Then the hard work starts. World domination can wait.

I mean you can never say never with Howe (he employed Dummett for three years more than he should) but it looks like exits for Ramsdale, Alex Murphy, Krafth, Gillespie and Schär and the likes of Trippier and Pope, Osula and Jacob Murphy increasingly looking like they will follow them.

That's before any talk of Tonali and Livramento going (clue: they will) or our best player Hall playing a World Cup blinder and realising that 13th place doesn't cut in anymore.

Newcastle needs major surgery and it's only months away. The owners need to pipe down, get an exit strategy going and keep the powder dry. One would hope this January’s tumbleweeds are because of that.

We might even have to look for a new Head Coach. Do you trust them? Tuchel getting sick of the right wing press after a semi-final defeat to France will be Newcastle's best friend there. Let Howe dance off to England and soundbite that we did everything to keep him, while avoiding the sacred cow situation. That's already the optics. We will balls up that gift horse before it goes anywhere near its mouth.

I think the heady days of the takeover and the giddiness, goodwill and downright insanity is wearing off quickly, and Newcastle are just shuffling into a place at the minute that befits them.

We won an unforgettable trophy and are a top six team every year. We are going toe to toe with the best in the World but are capable of the very worst as well. Ten years ago we had the latter without the former. We have hope now. What we don't need is idiotic comments like those spouted by Hopkinson. It feeds the frustration.

It was always going to take a generation to get where we want to be. I'm all for ambition. God, ask any Newcastle supporter since the days of Milburn - we've never had any - but this was as misplaced as it comes.

Be the best in Tyne and Wear before you conquer the world. It's that simple and no amount of chunky cardigans are going to change my mind.

Yes, Talk Sport you got your bite off me, now fuck off home.

Scott Robson