TF Preview - Trafford United (a)

For Emma, this one's personal. Will the ghost of Christmas past return with a vengeance?

Manchester United v Newcastle United

Old Trafford

Boxing Day 2025, 8pm

And so this fixture rolls around again, like a proverbial festive piss in your Baileys. Despite our recent comparatively strong record against Man U, I'm too trauma-conditioned from decades of misery and heartbreak in this stadium to anticipate this one with anything but cold dread.

The history books inform me it's more a case of recency bias as opposed to a festive edict from the BPL, but it feels like this one always falls on Boxing Day. It lands with about as much appeal as an abandoned, burnt Brussel, piercing the otherwise delightful post-Christmas Day stupor as abruptly as the pinging of your Microsoft Teams on January 2nd. I'm not sure why this particular pairing is so popular on the 26th - who doesn't relish a delayed and detoured trans-Pennine rattler on a mulled wine hangover? - but Man U away over Christmas has become as customary as a 3rd round lower-league exit under Mike Ashley. Two clubs with demented followings and huge viewership within a theoretically manageable distance feels like a pretty safe bet for a captive Christmas audience, I guess.

A few particularly brutal memories immediately resurfaced amid my thinking for this one; a last minute 4-3 defeat in 2010 at the hands of that absolute menace Chicharito springs to mind, having been in front THREE times, including through a James Perch collector's item no less. I had the additional misfortune of witnessing that one from the home end, before mutinously attending a family party populated by at least 30 utterly giddy Reds. 2019 was a corker too; away-end Matty Longstaff-shaped delirium 20 minutes in...4-1 down half an hour later.

My fledgling courtship with my now (Red) husband almost went no further in 2008 when we put in a reasonably solid showing to go in goalless at half time, only to run out 6-0 losers 45 minutes later. And let's not even revisit all of the 90s and 00s routine pastings. At the risk of this preview killing any prevailing Christmas spirit dead, I'll rest my case here.

Last season's glorious 2-0 felt like a huge marker for the travelling faithful; as discussed, we've sat through far too many deserved and cruel reverses here to not enjoy that one with particular hyperbolic gusto. As for what we can expect in the present day, truly - it's anybody's guess. If the Newcastle of the Chelsea first half finds Everton-at-home Man U in wait, then it'll be a holly jolly Christmas indeed. Derby Day Mags rocking up against the Red Devils who chastened the champions, and we'll be more deflated than Santa's sack after he's fucked off back up the chimney.

Data and statistical insight seem rather useless in attempting to predict how this one will turn out. Both teams will point to recent performances that deserved more than they ultimately yielded, and both seem chronically incapable of stitching more than around 30 minute spells of competence and threat together.

In terms of personnel, in spite of Saint Nick's stunning showing in the first half last weekend, I have a feeling that Wissa may be preferred from the start here. I wouldn't exactly describe this Man U team as being hugely front-foot or capable of really dominating the ball, but they will certainly try to press and won't sit back at home, perhaps affording us a lucrative counter-attacking advantage that Wissa could certainly spearhead.

Hall thankfully looked fighting fit and caught the eye once again against Chelsea, and I feel pretty good about the prospect of him and Gordon or Barnes doubling against the rather hapless Diogo Dalot, who my husband regularly informs me has a footballing brain the size of a malnourished gnat. There are rumblings of Tino or Botman potentially being closer for this game than we thought, but aside from that, bank on the in-form Smiley Miley keeping his spot either at right-back or in the middle and the rest of the back four and midfield picking itself.

Murphy or Elanga remains the only consideration, then; I'm trying to be patient with Elanga, but if decision-making and execution is required to convert a lone clear-cut chance, I simply don't want him in charge of it right now.

My most-feared player in opposition colours would undoubtedly be the league's Second Best Bruno, so his recent injury is great news, and could potentially even tip things in our favour. Casemiro will likely return to the middle, and their attacking threat will carry the fairly dangerous Cunha and rejuvenated Mason Mount on either side of Sesko or Zirkzee. Both seem fairly imprecise and lumbering to me, but fate does love to be tempted and all that, the rotten tart.

At the end of the day, I really hate this fixture. It will take a great deal more than a couple of decent victories here to erase the ghosts of the past, but zooming out and looking at it dispassionately, you have to say we have a decent chance against this current iteration. Let's go for a memorable seasonal victory then, based on little more than vibes and festive cheer, to be honest. 2-1, Barnes and Wissa. Merry Christmas, ya filthy Mags.

Emma Thompson

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