THE SPECIAL - Fulham Away
Fulham v Newcastle United, Craven Cottage, 24/May/26, KO: 4pm, Premier League.
After nine months of increasing discomfort, worry, and exhaustion, it's tempting to think of this season as a particularly gruelling pregnancy. Except that we don't get the exciting pay-off at the end. Or the agony, for that matter, which will be unfolding down the road in Stratford. Instead, it's a genteel anti-climactic day out by the river in West London. On what promises to be a glorious bank holiday weekend, it feels curiously out of keeping with the season as a whole.
Last time we were here in these circumstances, we were caught between uncertainty and optimism as Rafa seemed to have finally discovered the optimum arrangement of his undersized blanket. After an uninspiring campaign, we finished on a high with three wins and a draw in our last five, scoring more than a quarter of our total goals in the process.
But we all know how that ended. Our striker and manager were never seen again, and the next time we witnessed United, a tub of congealed lard occupied the dugout and some hopeless overpriced Brazilian misfit was trying to lead the line. It was a summer when the doors slid shut leaving us stuck on the outside wondering where that train could have taken us.
Seven years later, everything has changed. And yet, this being United, so little has changed. Once again, we've been thankful for an end-of-season run that's promising to lift the mood. Win today and it'll be three wins and a draw from the final five. Plus ça change… More significantly, it again feels like we're at a crossroads, with the direction of travel determined by decisions to be taken over the summer.
The manager will certainly be back, but the make up of the first XI in mid-August 2026 is anyone's guess. For what it's worth, I don't think there will quite be the wholesale clearout that some foresee. It's one thing to come up with a plausible reason why a player in isolation might leave, quite another for that to come to pass in every case, especially given Howe's innate caution, the number of replacements needed, and the need to find willing buyers.
Still, we certainly need another goalkeeper, preferably a significant upgrade on our current first choice, with Pope slotting in as understudy for the final year of his contract. The chances of both young full-backs still being here seem slim, not least because of their contrasting World Cup fates. One will be in the shop window, the other nursing his fury at his late season treatment. The former should go - his lack of fitness, questionable attitude, and even more questionable defending determine that - the latter should be rewarded with a new contract and an arm around the shoulder - astonishingly his current salary is less than half that of Matt Targett and Aaron Ramsdale.
Given that we have no specialist full-back cover whatsoever as Trippier, Krafth, Targett, and Ashby depart, young squad bodies are surely needed on both sides. Rounding out the defence, a new centre back with pace and leadership is probably the biggest and quickest single improvement we could make. Not that those come cheap or easily. I can see us sticking with the status quo in the middle, barring Fab’s decision on whether to live out his remaining days somewhere he can more easily curate that tan.
In midfield, signings will depend on departures. Will Sandro go? If someone is prepared to pay and to bear the risks of his addiction - insurance will be hefty - it's possible, but I still think there are too many practical barriers. Bruno surely prefers to be the biggest fish in a medium-sized pond, especially when the adulation he clearly needs is so readily and understandably on tap. Miley, Joelinton, and Ramsey will stay. The puzzle here is surely how to get the best out of what has been less than the sum of its parts this season, and that's on the manager.
The final third is surely where most questions exist. Gordon is on his way and I, for one, won't miss him in the slightest. I hope Eddie continues his policy of not giving him a single valedictory minute on the pitch and that he has learnt the lessons of his previous over-indulgence of the selfish Scouse layabout. That's one replacement needed among the wingers.
Of the others, all offer isolated traits but remain way short of the consistent all-round contributor we need. Murphy remains the best (only?) crosser in the squad; Barnes the best finisher; and Elanga, errr, the fastest runner. None has much of a footballing brain, a first touch, or the ability to find a pass. As much as I would like to see a wholesale refresh, scope is surely limited given our other needs.
Finally, our strikers. Fuck knows.
Personally - and this won't be popular - I'd keep Woltemade as the only player apart from Bruno who has that technical quality and footballing brain and hope he can toughen up and find a place in a new system as he has in recent weeks. I'd also keep Wissa - I know, I know - on the basis that he can't miss chances again in the way he has this season and his resale value is almost nothing given the 25% sell-on clause.
That means - with head rather than heart - I would sell Osula if a generous offer is forthcoming (£40-50m). The reality is that we have to sell players for profit. That means selling at the peak of their value, and there's nothing better in that respect than an eye-catching but unsustainable goalscoring run. Don't blame me. I didn't kill romance and turn football into a soulless game of accountancy.
Have you been following? In terms of first-team players, I make that…
Definites - a goalkeeper, a left winger
Probables - a full back, a striker
Desirable - a centre-back
Possibles (depending on departures) - a full back, a midfielder, a winger, a striker
Squad - two full-backs and, depending on departures, a midfielder (Willock) and centre-back (Schär)
Good luck with that, lads. Much depends on the relative roles of Wilson and Howe. With the former in charge there may be more turnover than with the latter and a different profile of signing. Then again, I can still picture Murphy and Willock lining up on opening day next season.
***
And so after 58 competitive matches, it's time to bring the matchday Specials to a close for this season. That's a lot of waffle, not to mention the 58 previews, 58 sets of player ratings, and 58 match reports that go with them. Getting on for 200,000 words of match content before we even mention the other hundreds of articles we've published this season, only 93.8% of which were about Eddie Howe's future.
I hope you won’t find it too self-indulgent of me to take a moment to thank everyone who has contributed and to remark on the remarkable range and quality of what we've been able to publish as an entirely voluntary enterprise that takes no money from anyone. That, of course, is our secret - no clicks chased here - but it depends on irrational levels of commitment and goodwill especially late on a midweek night when you've just watched United serve up a turd on a plate. I speak from painful personal experience.
If those in black and white were half as talented, dedicated to the cause, and consistent in what they produced, we'd be looking ahead to another season of Champions League football rather than the mediocrity of a bottom half finish.
And, finally, thank you to all our readers who indulge the waffle and make this such a civilised sanctuary of thoughtful and respectful discussion. Mostly.
It's been a pleasure.
Matthew Philpotts
Match Preview
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Match Report
Thru Black & White Eyes
Growing Pains
Review
The Right Stuff
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The Special is dedicated to the memory of our dear friend and ally Glenn Ashcroft.
Art work by Peter Willis.
Michael Martin - @tfMick1892.bsky.social