World Cup Willie - Week 2

Another week, another glut of matches as we (gradually) reach the last 32... Scott's brought his Alan Partridge plate to the "all you can eat" buffet

So far, Week Two of the World Cup has been like when you are halfway through an “all you can eat” buffet at a restaurant.

First of all it feels like you have won the lottery. Being able to go on a gluttonous joyride of different smells and senses while eating more than you would at home. Then after the first hydration break, you realise that you have a headache, you are sweating and it's all far too much.

Plus you wonder about the ethics of it all. Has that person that's just been to the toilet picked up that spring roll with his hands? BUT, you still keep eating, because you can't help yourself and if you get invited next week you will do exactly the same thing again.

The first week saw the natural wonder of some of the teams’ fans and players at actually being there, and the pure fanaticism of some countries meant we were able to override the fact that the best players in the world were doing what they normally did. Meanwhile, Ronaldo got ripped to shreds after a particularly egotistical and limp first performance. That is always excellent.

However, by eight o’ clock on Tuesday we had him scoring twice and screaming “I’m back!” at a camera to no one in particular as Portugal swept aside Uzbekistan. Apart from the sort of person who gets in touch with his social media accounts to congratulate him, most of us just turned off and watched the news and watched people bake like they were living in an air fryer.

Ronaldo wasn't the only big gun to shine but probably the most unlikeable one.

Messi missed a penalty but then scored two more to get to the top of the World Cup goalscoring charts. Austria, his opponents, seemed to be dropped into an exhibition match, and until someone attempts to viciously man mark Messi like his compatriots used to do, Argentina will stroll through the games and could win it again.

But it's getting a bit tedious. Looking at the record World Cup goalscorers, I think we should revert to Cricket averages. Is Gert Muller's 14 goals in 13 games not more impressive then Messi scoring 18 in 28 or am I being churlish? Answers on a racy postcard. To be honest, Mbappe will probably eclipse them all anyway.

Route 66 - TF on tour at the World Cup 2026 - Part 2!

Mbappe was involved in a game that lasted three or so hours the other night. Against Iraq, it was the first game where the much threatened storms actually arrived. It was a boring match anyway, but it was the ultimate ‘sack it off and go to bed game’ when the rain arrived.

I did though, stop up a bit to see the BBC frantically filling. Why not an old ‘Dads Army’ like they used to put on when the Snooker finished early? Instead we cut to the England camp instantly, to see what Ezri Konsa’s favourite paper towel was. Or something like that.

Mbappe ended the night as France's record scorer. The rest of us hit the hay. Through that night, it was Haaland's turn to show who's boss and Senegal, despite playing very well in two games, couldn't cope and will be going home. Such is life.

These star antics are no shock, but a year ago, I wouldn't have had Sunderland having four goalscorers and six goals in total on my World Cup bingo card.

Brobbey, since being brought in by the Netherlands, has given them that marauding final piece of the jigsaw. He did to Sweden what he did to us in the home derby and set up an inevitable move to Chelsea, with Delap going the other way, in last Saturday's 5-1 mauling. Isak did lose the ball comically and instantly conceded a goal, which I think evens out the Brobbey exploits for us.

It was also a reminder to everyone that the Dutch are more than capable if they don't implode. They look like the least Dutch squad to fall out as well. No player rinsing the rest of the squad out of a lot of money by continuously cheating at cards here. (Hello John De Wolf).

Elanga scored in that game and he bettered that on Friday morning with a beautiful curling goal against Japan. This either gives you hope, or it has you gnashing your teeth. Depending what season you are now living in. My glass is a quarter full. The way things are going, we will probably sell him anyway.

Bruno has recovered from the first game embarrassment against Morocco to run the show against Haiti, then Scotland. The two passes in one goal against the Scots were sublime and too much for a Scotland side for whom this tournament has imploded just like the rest. The negativity against Morocco just to get away with a low scoring defeat summed up their coach, and that prehistoric tactic was shown up as just that, as Brazil toyed with them after a horrendous early mistake.

They will probably be put out of their misery by Saturday morning, but the extended tournament has really sucked the life out of the tail end of the group stage.

World Cup Willie - Week 1

Pre-organised dross like Australia v Paraguay and Sweden v Japan, which had about as much jeopardy as West Germany v Austria all those years ago, come about because average or poor teams are getting second chances in the aid of broadcasting rights.

Contrast that with Ecuador v Germany. The noise, colour and relief of Ecuador was the biggest joy of the cup so far. They had to go for it and did. It brought the fearless nature that the World Cup should. Not a trudge through loads of games with more handshaking than your local freemasons.

Turkey scored three times to beat the hosts USA after not scoring a goal despite 62 attempts in the first two games but went home, while Sweden won 5-1, lost 5-1 and then drew.

The Netherlands group was weird. They won the group, but will now face a much harder game than Japan who finished second which didn't help the feeling either. Also through up to now are Mexico. Faultless results wise so far despite not getting out of second gear. And South Africa, who recovered from the ignominious first game to beat Czechia then South Korea. The latter have to sweat it out for a few days.

Canada, Switzerland and Bosnia Herzegovina all progressed from Group B. Canada won the group. Qatar went home as expected. They left a big mark on Canada’s Ismael Kone though, Madibo’s tackle breaking his leg. The sickening crack was clearly audible on the live broadcasts. Madibo was also distraught. After a huge delay, Kone left the pitch waving to the crowd like Asprilla on a stretcher, which goes to show: the Canadians have good pain relief gas.

As mentioned Brazil won Group C. Them and Morocco were a class above and will both go deep. Both can only get better also.

Group D saw the USA, Australia and Paraguay all go through. All suffered defeats which for the latter two looked to be putting them on return flights, but the new format was perfect for all concerned here. Except Turkey that is and the child like dribbling of Guler, they go home to face the music. The music will be of either death metal or drill proportions.

Group E looked to be Germany’s from the off and that's the way it panned out. The last second winner against a very good Cote d'Ivoire side proved the difference. The Ivorians get second and Ecuador join them and will probably play England next. Could be interesting if they pack the ground out like they have done so far. Curacao got a first ever point and will get some reaction when they land.

We've already mentioned the Netherlands, Japan and Sweden going through in Group F. Tunisia go home after a disastrous tournament. Sacked their head coach and conceded twelve goals. The music that Turkey will be facing will be just as ear splitting when they get back to Tunis.

Route 66 - TF on Tour at the World Cup - Part 1

The rest of the groups are still very much undecided at this point.

Egypt came from nowhere to beat New Zealand. At 1-0 to the Kiwis, a header was inches from 2-0. Then Egypt came alive and emphatically won and will probably win the group. Iran, Belgium and NZ all have a chance in a group so tight it’s welded together.

In Group H, it's been all about Cape Verde. Shooting from anywhere and upsetting the odds. They could go through and are currently unbeaten. A win against Saudi Arabia will see them incredibly through. Spain looked more like themselves against Saudi, but Uruguay have yet to fire and will go home unless they get something against the European Champions.

France and Norway have sewn up Group I. Senegal and Iraq both without a point.

Group J has been won by Argentina, but Austria and Algeria could both progress. Both need to come out of their shells at some point you would think.

Colombia have won both games so far in Group K but have been on really early twice so I haven't seen them yet live. The highlights look very promising though and they could push Portugal into second place, but our mate Wissa could see the next round if they beat Uzbekistan. That would give them four points in the third place lottery .

England's group is next. You've seen it all and it was boring. I will mention the BBC set at the end of the Ghana game. The set was very Setanta Sports. Microphones not working, squeaking trainers on floors more audible than the presenters and a poster stuck on that badly but was folded in the middle like by sisters Jason Donovan one back in the day.

I found that more fun than the Ghana match. The black stars looked like they were robbed to me. England will easily top the group though. Croatia must beat Ghana to progress or are going home, which will be a shock.

In the end though if any team goes home at this stage you really deserve to. It's harder to get knocked out than stay in. There lies the problem, Infantino. While I'm on Infantino, he seems to have a Putin-esque body double. That can be the only explanation for him bouncing over timezones and insurmountable mileage to watch all the games. Sometimes at the same time. You have to applaud his integrity.

That's that for another week then, I'm just going to get one more bowl of rice and some spare ribs. Is that ok?

Scott Robson